Dear Parishioners,
When it comes to the breakdown of marriage, both insiders and outsiders can list hundreds of reasons that lead to divorce or separation. Whether Catholic or atheist, the divorce rate is not much different – about 50%. So does faith not help couples when they encounter difficulties in marriage?
I would like to affirm that the most fundamental factor determining the stability and richness of marriage has been identified by the Bible since the beginning of creation in Genesis, “a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh.” Jesus himself did not add anything but simply repeated the words of God in the beginning.
Using the current language that is easier to understand and more appropriate, I suggest this way of saying, “The stability and sweetness of marriage can only be achieved when the husband puts the wife’s good above his own will, and vice versa, the wife also considers the husband’s good above her own wishes.” To put it more concisely, “The husband is always for the wife and the wife is always for the husband.” All the problems of married life originate from the state of mind “The other person must be for me.”
Just think about it and see if it is true. The more powerful and influential a man is, the richer and more famous he is, the more his wife must obey him. If he is not happy, there are hundreds of long-legged beauties ready to jump in. On the contrary, the more beautiful the wife is, the more the husband must follow her wishes, otherwise, alas, there are young and handsome men ready to serve her. A typical example is what happened recently to the two most famous billionaires in the world, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos: having affairs with other women which led to divorce.
Zhou Hou Zi, a native of Lu, the birthplace of Confucius, was ordered to become an official in Qin after only five days of marriage. Five years later, Hou Zi asked for permission to return home to visit his wife and mother. When he was almost home, he suddenly saw a very beautiful young woman picking strawberries on the side of the road. Hou Zi got out of the car and flirted with her. The girl picked strawberries as if she didn’t hear anything, her hands constantly plucking leaves.
Hou Zi said:
– Young lady, using all your strength to farm is not as good as a year of good harvest. Using all your strength to pick strawberries is not as as good as meeting a husband who is a rich and powerful mandarin. I am a high-ranking official, with gold and silver, if you agree to marry me, you will not lack anything, no need to pick strawberries and work yourself to death!
The young woman remained indifferent, looking at the official with contempt. Hou Zi went home and bowed to his mother. When his wife came out to meet him, Hou Zi was stunned, because his wife was the young girl who picked mulberries earlier. He was extremely ashamed, and then she taught him a lesson:
– You have been an official for five years. You should have hurriedly returned to visit your mother and see your wife, but instead you only saw a woman on the road, not knowing who her husband and children are. You stopped to seduce her, not remembering your mother, and not caring about your wife. Forgetting your mother is unfilial, lusting after beauty is lustful, having a dirty character is unrighteous, being unrighteous means not governing the people wisely, how can such a person be called a good official and a noble husband!
Between Zhou Hou Zi and that nameless wife, who understands better the foundation of family happiness? Who uses his power to seduce others? And most importantly, who has the ability to recognize and despise the one who seduces him?
Those who, from the very beginning of their marriage, begin to pay more attention to the good of their partner than to their own, have begun to build their family happiness on the most solid foundation, and they will discover more and more the rich sweetness of married life. In fact, putting the good of their spouse above their own will is the most practical and effective self-denial in family life. Jesus repeatedly said, “Whoever does not deny himself and take up his cross daily cannot be my disciple.” Married life requires the greatest renunciation and has the most crosses. Therefore, the true disciple of Jesus is also the one who has the deepest family happiness, regardless of the storms of life.
In the Most Holy Trinity and in solidarity with you all,
Fr. Duc
